Generic Blog Post: Ranking The McDonald's Breakfast Items That Matter.

posted by Mo Egger, ESPN1530 - 

I'm on vacation, but the blog never rests.  So to fill the space while I'm off, I've written a bunch of posts in advance of my time off, each of which will be published while I'm away. They're not timely, they aren't reflective of whatever is happening at the moment, instead, they are generic posts about evergreen topics that can be read at anytime.  

And they're each a result of what you've suggested I blog about.

1) The Sausage McMuffin. This is the greatest breakfast sandwich ever created, but only if done right. The edges of the English muffin need to be burnt just enough to give it a crunch, and McMuffins are best when the cheese is melted on, but no too melted on.  Some McDonald's franchises, like the one in Kenwood, get this. Others, like the one in Taylor Mill, do not. Also, no egg. I refused to eat an egg that shaped like a dip can. 

2) Hot cakes with sausage. In 2015, I went with some buddies to Buffalo to see the Bengals play. After a very long night of drinking that included a bridesmaid wanting to fight me (long story), we woke up early still feeling the effects of the previous evening's activities, yet determined to enjoy some of Buffalo's legendary tailgating. On the way to the game, we stopped at a McDonald's where we purchased $108 worth of Sausage McMuffins, a ton of coffee and one order of hotcakes with sausage, which I ordered, eliciting weird looks from my friends. 

Which is what happens whenever anyone orders hot cakes and sausage at McDonald's, for reasons I don't understand.  The hot cakes (and you don't refer to them as "pancakes") are the most consistent thing the golden arch makes, and anyone who doesn't enjoy drawing sausage pieces through leftover syrup is a Communist. Sometimes, I inhale hot cakes with sausage, then eat a Sausage McMuffin that I sop up any leftover syrup with, because I'm a fatass.

3) Sausage Biscuit. This is what you order when money's tight and you don't quite want to splurge on a Sausage McMuffin. I like mine plain, with no cheese, bacon, or phony egg. From 2004 through 2006, my car smelled like these things.

4) McGriddles. It's been 12 years or so since I've had a McGriddle, mainly because the last time I had one, I could feel my heart saying to "dude, come on." I remember these things being quite tasty, even they were a little rich, but also, totally unnecessary. They have McMuffins, which makes this concoction unnecessary. 

End of list. I've literally never had another McDonald's breakfast item. I don't know why anyone would order any of the other McDonald's breakfast items.  Don't @ me with your burritos or your Big Breakfast. I'm not interested in your hashbrown takes.  These are the items that matter, and I've ranked them. 

Mo Egger

Mo Egger

Mo Egger delivers his unique take on sports on Cincinnati's ESPN 1530! Read more

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