The Blog Of Football Guesses is a weekly (and sometimes more) homage to a former
Clear Channel iHeartMedia Director of Digital who once informed me, in all seriousness, that "football picks drive web traffic, especially if you toss in a picture of a cheerleader." All guesses are for entertainment purposes, mainly mine.
Yesterday, I submitted my "official" guess for what the 2017 Bengals record will be. Since chances are that you won't click on the link and read my nearly 2,000-word entry about the season and how I feel about it, I'll go ahead and tell you that I have the Bengals going 8-7-1.
See? Now you want to read more, don't you? Go ahead. While you do that, I'll entertain myself with the first good college football fan fight of the year.
OK, now that you're on board with my 8-7-1 guess, let's talk about what it will mean.
It will mean the Bengals aren't a playoff team, mainly because the Steelers will probably finish with more than eight and a half wins, and because the odds are long of an eight-win team getting a wild card spot (the last eight-win team to make the postseason as a wild card were the '06 Giants, who were wretched).
I wouldn't totally rule 8-7-1 getting them into the postseason because the AFC is a mess, but if I'm going with 8-7-1, it's really hard to have them playing a 17th game.
So no playoffs for the Bengals is what I'm saying?
No playoffs for the Bengals is what I'm saying.
That doesn't mean that this season will be am abject failure. I'm willing to bet that I'll have a pretty good feeling about the Bengals regardless of whether they're playing in January, mainly because I think there will be enough good things that emerge from their younger players to make me believe that bright things are ahead in 2018.
But no one wants to hear that now.
So instead, some guesses for the season as a whole.
AFC Playoff teams: New England, Pittsburgh, Tennessee, Kansas City, Denver (WC), Houston (WC)
NFC Playoff teams: New York, Green Bay, Tampa Bay, Seattle, Detroit (WC), Dallas)
Super Bowl 52 participants: New England and Green Bay. I hate myself.
Super Bowl 52 winner: Green Bay. I hate myself so much.
Super Bowl 52 participants if I had any imagination: New York and Kansas City
MVP: Ben Roethlisberger. This is just a hunch, but despite his age and the fact that there've been few athletes I've despised more, I feel like he'll be a sexy pick IF he can get through 16 games. He's behind what might be the best O-line in the game, and we all know about his weapons. Damn, I hate myself.
Offensive Player of the Year: Aaron Rodgers
Defensive Player of the Year: Joey Bosa
Comeback Player of the Year: Marshawn Lynch
Offensive Rookie Of The Year: Christian McCaffrey
Defensive Rookie of the Year: Myles Garrett
Coach of the Year: Bill O'Brien
And tonight's opener: Still smoldering from the first week of college football, I could use some help from the defending Super Bowl champs tonight. I say I'll get it. New England (-9) over Kansas City.
Welcome back, football.
(Photo: Getty Images)